A short review of SAW 3D and a horrifying discovery!

Last Friday was a weird day. I felt kind of down the entire morning for no reason at all and then I totally made a 180 degree moodswing and I was feeling better than I've done quite some time, and yet again for no particular reason. I think it had to do with the European release date of Deadly Premonition, which I had pre-ordered and was expecting to get that day. Of course it had to be some trouble involved so I didn't get it. Once again, 180 degree moodswing. Nothing could make up for that, well yeah but you get the picture, so I sat down in front of my computer to kill time and just wait for the day to end. In the middle of this depressing roller coaster (hey, if you mess with my games, it's fucking personal) my girlfriend called and literally forced me to go to the cinema with her.
This is always kind of a pain since we have a real problem with choosing a movie that both of us actually want to see, and in my case my girlfriend always wins in the end when it comes to movies. But since I am a big hunk of lovemeat drenched in passionsauce I can't turn her down. That's my excuse. What? Me, a pussy? Like you have a better excuse for letting yo' woman have it her way, dawg! Anyway, the first question that popped up in my head was, of course, "Which movie do you want to see?" and so I asked that exact question. My body froze, a cold shivery feeling went down my spine when she said the words; "That new SAW movie in 3D, SAW 3D".

"IN COCK-TWISTING 3D"

A not so long story made even shorter, there we where, sitting in the movie theater with around 50 squeaking 14 year olds. 3D-glasses, squeaking annoying as fuck brats, a smallsized popcorn. I was feeling really uncomfortable. The worst part was that the movie I didn't wanted to see, but in a weird way had to see, hadn't even started yet. I can say this with both of my hands on the Bible: It was one of the longest standard length movies I've ever seen.

As in the last gazillion SAW movies, Jigsaw is dead and his many apprentices is following the footsteps of this ex-serial killer. I've always found it strange that so many of Jigsaw's  victims chooses to continue his whole near-death-experience-that-is-going-to-make-you-a-new-better-person shit. Sure, a near death experience can probably give you a new perspective on life but it doesn't make you want to torture people to make them experience the same "rebirth" as you did. And those who didn't survive their death traps? Nah, they didn't want to survive strongly enough. Yeah that makes sense. The last thing I would do if I had a near death experience of that magnitude is to be like the motherfucker who almost killed me, but oh that's just me. I am probably not "deep" or "understanding" enough for this.

"You died. Try it again with a little more survival instincts this time, OK?"

However, I've got to give the movie this at least: It wasn't fucking around with the audience as much as every SAW movie since the third one. Those where impossible to follow along on the first watch. And come on, who really wants to suffer through a bad movie at more than one occasion for no other reason then that they didn't get what was going on AT ALL on the first watch?  I know that at least I don't participate in madness on that level.

Now that doesn't make it easy to follow, since the SAW series have fucked up it's characters beyond all repair. How do you ask? There is to goddamn many of them. And they are all, with the exception of Tobin Bell and Costas Mandylor, really bland, boring and uninspired. Don't get me wrong, Jigsaw and Hoffman are bland, boring and uninspired too. Well, why are they exceptions then? It's because of how they look. Tobin Bell has a really unique, distinctive look that you'll recognize from a mile away if you've seen him once and Costas Mandylor just looks like a bad-ass, smirky, crazy as shit motherfucker. But that's only how two of the actors look so I guess the the characters are an overall complete failure.

I guess I'm done. I don't want to go in to the story because I know that most of you out there have already seen this movie or is planning to go see it. Sometimes I hate humanity... and myself for watching such uninspired movies that is only made to take your money, run away and never look back and leaving you with nothing but a cash in shitflick. But if you, like 90% of the western civilization (including myself) suffers from the SAW decease, you're going to see this film no matter what I, or anyone else in a matter of fact, writes or says about it.

"Hello. My name is Gaysaw and I'm really scary. Right?"

And about the whole 3D returning from the dead scenario we're in right now, I have the following to say:
Ahem... fuck 3D-glasses. Make it possible to watch 3D without those and it's cool.

In the last post I made this big fuzz about SAW 3D being the very last of the series. And it probably will be. The movie ended with the words "GAME OVER" so they are at least trying to put an end to it.
But here's the deal: I totally forgot the possibility of a goddamn prequel. Or even worse, a remake.

Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god. Oh man. Oh god.

I'll leave you with this, my actual reaction when I made this horrific discovery.